How Much Are You Worth In Bed?

Given all the hoo-ha in the news lately with Eliot Spitzer and his prostitute and the various gubernatorial and senatorial sex scandals, I thought I would give our Roxiticus Desperate Housewives readers the chance to measure their value as a potential escort.

I'm not sure how to calculate whether that is more or less than Spitzer's "Kristen," but it is definitely more that the $150 paid for an hour by the Senator's husband in Detroit.

My good friend Brent is only worth $1,132/hour...he thinks it must have been the "dinner and a movie" answer....and here I thought all of the piercings in the natural habitat would have been a bonus.

How about you? Click the link on the icon and take the test to find out....and, keeping with our Springtime theme of True Love, wear your badge proudly and let your true love know how much you're worth! If you don't have a true love, wear your badge proudly and let everyone else know how much you're worth!

I'm not calling this a tag, but wouldn't it be fun to see these badges popping up all over BlogExplosion while I surf or battle? "I may be ranked 1,163 in Battle of the Blogs, but I'm also worth $1,163 in bed...." Enjoy!

Spring Cleaning: Bloginization

In an effort to better organize Roxiticus Desperate Housewives, I am launching several new blogs:

• Roxiticus Desperate Housewives Directories: will include directories of the Best of Mendham, NJ; Best of Bernardsville, NJ; Best of Chester, NJ; Best of Far Hills, NJ; Best of Peapack-Gladstone, NJ; Best of Morris County, NJ; and Best of Somerset County, NJ. Given the other content here at the original Roxiticus Desperate Housewives, I thought it best to create a place for readers who come looking for "toddler ballet class" who might not want to be exposed to Eliot Spitzer scandals and nipple piercing posts....although there's not much here that you won't find on CNN or MSNBC!
• Bay Head New Jersey: Bay Head seems so far away with blustery winds here in the Roxiticus Valley on the eve of Spring and about two months to go before we open our beach house, but over the next 6-8 weeks, I will post all of the good stuff the Roxiticus Desperate Housewives do for fun in Bay Head, NJ. And maybe some photos, too. A long, long time ago (15 years maybe?) I saw this movie....I think it was called Smoke....and every day this guy comes out of his shop and takes a picture of the same scene. Of course, every day the photo is just a little bit different. Ever since then, I've wanted to do that, take the "same" picture every day. I started to do it one summer, but of course, unlike the guy in the movie, I'm never really in the same place 365 days in a row.
• Makin' the Bacon: Since I've spent a lot of time surfing other people's blogs to get idea for Roxiticus Desperate Housewives, I have started to learn a bunch of tricks for making money by blogging. My new blog, Makin' the Bacon Online, will be devoted to helping others to earn money online.
• Laguna Beach Blog: While Rex and I, and later the kids, have been visiting Laguna Beach forever, we can hardly claim that Laguna Beach, California is part of the Roxiticus Valley and I thought it was time to give Laguna Beach a space and a blog of its own. I'm hoping to find the time to work on a thorough Best of Directory for Laguna Beach and Orange County, CA: shopping, restaurants, kid stuff....all the things we like to do when we visit every year.
  
• The Daily Soup takes its name from something they do in my daughter's first grade class. In first grade, it is actually The Daily Scoop, but my faulty hearing caused me to hear it as The Daily Soup. I'm going to use this Rated G blog for daily posts such as Vocabulary Word of the Day, Thought for the Day, Book of the Day, Song of the Day, Quote of the Day, etc.
• Roxiticus Book Blog: Since the Roxiticus Desperate Housewives and our kids love to read, I thought it was time to give Books We Love a space and a blog of its own. I'll do my best to divide it into books for kids and books for grown-ups, with reviews and comments by moms and kids.
  
  

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Governor David Paterson: You've Tried All the Rest, Now Try...

Feels like the staff here at Roxiticus Desperate Housewives is writing an open letter to a naughty politician on an almost weekly basis these days. Client Number Nine Spitzer and Three-Way I- Am-A-Gay-American McGreevy have led the news with their scandals, keeping consumers' minds in the gutter and off the economy. I will have a few things to say to Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick in upcoming posts. But now New York has a fine, upstanding new governor, David Paterson, who needs to be awakened to a tool for spiritual enlightenment before it is too late. Here goes:

Dear Governor Paterson,

I am unable to write to you in Braille (this is a blog, after all), so I hope your swingin' wife will read this missive to you on a day when she's not off enjoying herself with your best friend or former NJ Governor McGreevy (or his ex-wife, Dina -- the options are endless). On the day you were sworn in, perhaps in honor of St. Patrick's Day, you regaled reporters, politicians, and fellow Americans with tales of your tawdry family affairs during a troubled period in your marriage. Now, just a week later, you're sharing your marijuana and cocaine stories from your mis-spent youth.

Dave, may I call you Dave? I'm going to suggest that, instead of revealing another titillating tidbit about your private life next Monday, you become part of the peaceful revolution in consciousness and value that is sweeping our planet. The Sedona Method is the technique for a new earth that will show you how to transcend the ego. You can live life now free of unnecessary suffering and stop imposing suffering on others, including the New Yorkers who have had enough scandal for the foreseeable future. There's a free DVD and CD, Dave....be happier and feel more peaceful with the Sedona Method instead of becoming yet another gubernatorial punch line for the writers on Saturday Night Live. As they say on the pizza boxes, you've tried all the rest, Governor Paterson, why don't you give the Sedona Method a try?

All the best, and what's best for you....
Bree

Hold the Million Bucks, Hustler, We've Seen It All Before

CNN reports that Eliot Spitzer's call girl, "Kristen," bared all for Girls Gone Wild as an 18-year-old partying in Miami, Florida.

According to "Wild" founder Joe Francis, "Kristen" spent 7 days on the Girls Gone Wild tour bus before heading back home. "I personally ended up buying her a Greyhound bus ticket back home to North Carolina," Francis said. And we thought Spitzer was cheap not to pay up for the Acela train.

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New Governor and Wife Turn Blind Eye to Each Other's Affairs

Sorry, I just couldn't resist that one (and why are there no Lasik advertising opportunities available when you need one?).... Just hours after David Paterson received a standing ovation from lawmakers chanting his name, New York's newly sworn governor was answering questions about straying from his own marriage. At least he didn't have to pay for it.

Here's the latest on our own former NJ governor McGreevey and his wife's three-way. Former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey said Monday that he and his wife and a male aide (Teddy Pedersen) engaged in sexual threesomes, contradicting a denial issued hours earlier by his estranged wife. Pedersen said he had consensual sex with the couple for about two years before McGreevey became governor. He said he only had "contact" with Dina McGreevey during the trysts, and wasn't sure whether McGreevey was gay. My question is, why is this all coming out now? McGreevey envious of all the attention Eliot Spitzer is getting? I assume that somehow Jim McGreevey thinks it will help his divorce case, but how? Perhaps something along the lines of "Dina knew I was gay, but due to my self-sacrificing nature, I brought my friend in to service her in a three-way....I did it all for her!"

I am hoping that the variety of scandals in the news will be good for the economy.

Paris Scandal: Bree No Angel

It has been about fifteen years since Melissa and I traveled to Paris...I think we made our trip in June 2002, maybe six months after I dumped MoneyPenny. We planned our trip long before Al Gore invented the Internet, so instead of searching online in our pajamas, I remember going with Melissa to see a travel agent with the unlikely name of Marsha Orlando to find out about our choices in Paris hotels. I still can't explain how it happened, but we twentysomething single girls booked ourselves on a "granny tour," a busload of elderly tourists taking a doubledecker bus around Paris: "on your left, you'll see the Left Bank, careful now we don't want to crash into the Arc de Triomphe Paris." Our granny tour experience of the Eiffel Tower Paris was nothing like Before Sunrise....but that movie didn't come out until 1995 so while I did have high hopes of finding a hot Parisian guy I didn't have my unrealistic expectations painted quite so vividly in my mind.

Even back then, I fancied myself a writer and carried a tiny notebook with me everywhere, writing haiku in bars and cafes. I would love to track down some of those old notebooks (buried deep in my closet) and publish them on my Roxiticus Desperate Housewives blog. Walking with Melissa near Notre Dame, a dirty street artist called Melissa an angel, wanting to sketch or paint her picture for money. In my journal as well as in all of the postcards I sent to friends back home, I wrote "vagabond artists call me an angel," since it sounded more poetic, but Melissa has threatened ever since to reveal me to the public as no angel. Up until the Eliot Spitzer call girl scandal, I actually believed that one little exaggeration could hurt my chances as a politician....well, maybe it is the rest of the stuff Melissa knows about me that I wouldn't want to see on the front page of the New York Times.

Picture of Kristen

Rex found this picture of Kristen for you, courtesy of the New York Post, Page Six.

While we've all been searching for a picture of "Kristen," all indications are that the Pay4LuvGuv appreciated the refinements of many of the young ladies featured at the Emperors' Club. Spitzer's ties with his current vendor began eight months ago, but a character reference during his tenure as attorney general said he was a good tipper at least two years back. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a copy of today's New York Post out here in the Roxiticus Valley (sold out?) to add additional Spitzer smut to my blog, but online Post sources say Spitzer "was hopping into bed with harlots for as long as 10 years and traveled as far as Florida for call-girl trysts."

Update: Gawker.com has posted a link to Kristen's MySpace page, where of course it turns out she is a Jersey Girl like me, but has lots more friends (1804 and counting) than I do (14 and counting).

The New York Times has done a nice job tracking down "Kristen," whose real name is Ashley Alexandra Dupré. Here's another picture of Kristen, where she looks more like a cute Jersey girl (from Belmar, NJ) than a high priced call girl.

She told the Times that she's been worried about paying the rent for her ninth floor Flatiron district apartment....we'll wish her well in writing a book about Client Number Nine.

March Madness: Spitzer to Resign Before Syracuse-Villanova Game

According to CNN, Spitzer is expected to resign today at 11:30am, right before the Syracuse-Villanova game on ESPN. Don't take too long, Eliot, as I will need to change channels at noon.

I've sent out for today's New York Post to see if I can add a bit more smut to my Client Number Nine posts.

Client Number Nine

Dear Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer,

I have a few questions for you. First, for a guy who has actually prosecuted prostitution rings (in addition to patronizing them), didn't you have a better sense of the high odds of being caught? Second, if fat disgusting Bill Clinton can get it for free, what's a guy like you doing paying for sex? Third, can we get a picture of "Kristen" and her diamond-rating with the Emperors Club VIP? Fourth, how did you get three or four hours for less than $4,000? Was that a gubernatorial discount? Finally, is it true that you are a superdelegate and, if so, would you please confirm that your were backing Hillary as your seven-diamond Democratic presidential hopeful?

I did see a character reference from a hooker, who said that you were a good tipper and were paying for it long before you became governor, back when you were attorney general, busting the very prostitution rings you patronized.

Eliot, please feel free to respond in my comments section below. We look forward to the details.

Sincerely,

Bree

Note to readers: I shall post Client Number Nine's answers here as soon as I receive them.