Three Words

Two oysters meet in a bar for Gulf oysters (it used to be on West 12th Street in the Village, but closed down years ago). He's a governor oyster, she's a hooker oyster. The hooker oyster says to the governor oyster, "Tonight is your lucky night. For $300, I will do anything you can name in three words. No holds barred. I don't care if it is dangerous. I don't care if it is wild, big boy. Just say the three words, give me the $300, and the world is your oyster." The governor oyster thinks for a minute or two and asks the hooker oyster, "Anything? As long as I can name it in three words?" Seductively, the hooker oyster answers, "I know I have a purpose. If you can name it in three words, I'll do it for $300." The governor oyster gets a big smile on his face, opens his wallet, takes out three hundred bucks, and says, "Paint my house."

I don't know about you, but when I paid $5,000 to have my house painted last year, I thought I got a deal. My Bestest Pal told me that joke a few years back, and it is one of the few I can remember from start to punch line. While hookers and governors are getting plenty of attention lately here in the Roxiticus Valley, I'm not sure that Gulf oysters are getting the attention they deserve. There's a web site -- BeOysterAware.com -- dedicated to educating the oyster consuming public. While I can't stand the thought of raw shellfish, these folks have put together a number of delicious recipes that I can't wait for Rex to try this summer at the beach.