Satellite On My Head... Or At Least On My Roof

Those of you who have known me for years know that ever since college, I've been wishing for a satellite dish that would conveniently attach to my head and provide a constant stream of information and entertainment straight to my brain. That day will come, but in the meantime, I'm thinking of putting a satellite dish on my roof here in the Roxiticus Valley, and another one down at our beach house in Bay Head, New Jersey. Every time I open my cable bill (or think about the damage the evil Comcast overlords have done to my credit rating since they tried to rip me off at our beach house two years ago), I threaten to call the Dish Network and make a change ("go ahead, make that change" echoes Michael Jackson from "The Man in the Mirror").



It's the constant nickel and diming that gets me. I'm sure there's a Seinfeld episode (although those of you who have known me for years also know that I have never watched a Seinfeld episode and in the show's heyday would ask, "Who is this Kramer? Is he the new guy in our Maryland headquarters office?") With cable, it's always another six-fifty here, six-fifty there. $6.50 to rent a DVR. $6.50 to use the DVR. $6.50 taxes and fees on the DVR. $6.50 late payment fee for not paying the disputed charges on my bill. Imagine how much I could save if I switched to satellite and my monthly TV bill was only $9.99? And right now, they're throwing in a free HD DVR upgrade... no six-fifty monthly charges attached!

And something tells me that when someone invents the satellite dish to attach to my head, it's going to be available through the Dish Network!